Cheryl A. Lieberman, Ph.D. & Rhea Bufferd, LISCW
All families, no matter how they are brought together, struggle against enormous odds to thrive. However, for adoptive families, where the history is not a shared one, the rites and traditions commonly relied upon to negotiate transitions and to withstand internal or external stressors do not exist. This is where Creating Ceremonies: Innovative Ways to Meet Adoption Challenges comes in.The authors, a single mother with two adopted children and a social worker specializing in adoption, have joined forces to create a rich and vital resource to help adoptive families better cope with the day-to-day changes and challenges of life together. Carefully written to reach out to the range of families - two-parent, single-parent, foster-parent, as well as families with gay or lesbian parents and those of multiracial, multiethnic, or multicultural origin - the ceremonies presented here cover the spectrum of life-cycle phases, from preadoptive to moving in, from adjustment to reinforcement and beyond.
Among the ceremonies: "Forever Family," "Getting Ready for a New Person in the Family," "End of the School Year," "There Is a Place for Both of Us," "Rejection and Abandonment," "Monsters and Nightmares," "The Day We Met," "You Are Safe Here." Used verbatim or customized to address a similar situation or a specific interactive style, the scripts will help family members move toward fresh, energized perspectives. They can be used again and again to provide short-term resolutions to particular problems and to reflect a long-term commitment to the family's well-being.
An appropriate way to say "welcome home" -- or to say "goodbye." A means to express painful feelings. A bridge between differing perspectives. A helping hand to a youngster in trouble. A commitment to hope. Another milestone. For the professionals who work with adoptive families - for the families themselves - Creating Ceremonies extends and enriches the vocabulary of caring.
Contents- Chapter 1. GETTING STARTED
- Why Ceremonies?
- The "Coming Home Ceremony"
- How to Use This Book
- Why Bother?
- How to Create a Ceremony
- Chapter 2. CEREMONIES OF CELEBRATION
- "Name Giving"
- "Forever Family"
- Chapter 3. CEREMONIES FOR TRANSITIONS
- "Going, Coming, and Staying"
- "Getting Ready for a New Person in the Family"
- "Welcome Home"
- "Returning Home"
- "End of the School Year"
- "I Entrust You with My Child"
- "A New Addition is Coming/Has Arrived
- Chapter 4. CEREMONIES TO BOLSTER SELF-ESTEEM
- "Making Room for Good Messages"
- "Feeling Good About Being You"
- "There is a Place Here for Both of Us"
- Chapter 5. CEREMONIES FOR LOSS
- "I Can Care"
- "Rejection and Abandonment"
- "Goodbye-Hello"
- "Saying Goodbye to Our Old Home"
- "Saying Hello to Our New Home"
- "What Is Going to Happen Now?"
- "Sparky's Memorial Service"
- Chapter 6. CEREMONIES TO ENCOURAGE LEARNING
- "Life is Full of Choices"
- "This Is Me, This Is Us"
- "Feelings"
- Chapter 7. CEREMONIES TO ACKNOWLEDGE FEARS
- "Monsters and Nightmares"
- "Going On Vacation"
- "This Is How I Feel Right Now"
- "You Are Safe Here"
- Chapter 8. CEREMONIES FOR ANNIVERSARIES
- "The Day We Met"
- "The First Anniversary"
- "There is Plenty of Room In a Heart"
- Chapter 9. CEREMONIES FOR REMEMBERING
- "Remembering When We Met"
- "The Candle Ceremony"
- Chapter 10. SPONTANEOUS CEREMONIES
- Chapter 11. MAGIC CEREMONIES
- Chapter 12. CEREMONIES FOR SPECIAL SITUATIONS
- Chapter 13. BARRIERS TO CONDUCTING CEREMONIES
- Chapter 14. TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDE
Book reviews "While we have traditional ceremonies for many important family milestones - for example, baby showers, birthday parties and weddings - crucial transitions for adoption families generally do not have such counterpart rituals. Creating Ceremonies: Innovative Ways to Meet Adoption Challenges by Cheryl A. Lieberman and Rhea K. Bufferd is a guide to producing and enacting family scripts which mark key transitions in adoption for school age children. These ceremonies are a way to acknowledge the loss of transitions, even in happy situations, and provide a hopeful context to acknowledge the changing circumstances.
Reviewed by Allison Martin
" This book is a gem ... well written, badly needed. A self-empowering, highly useful book that is very sensitive to families' needs and children's issues."
Sharon Roszia
Kinship Center of California
Coauthor of The Open Adoption Experience.
About the authors Cheryl A. Lieberman, Ph.D., is a single adoptive parent. Her sons, Eric and Christopher, both from the same birth family, came to live with her when they were seven years old and six years old respectively. They have an open adoption arrangement.
Dr. Lieberman holds a Master's in Social Work and City Planning and a Ph.D. in Organizational Planning from the University of Pennsylvania. She is Founder and President of Cornerstone Consulting Group, Cambridge, Mass., which provides strategic performance enhancement and training services to numerous profit and nonprofit organizations.
Rhea K. Bufferd, LICSW, has been an adoption social worker since 1974, when she joined the Massachusetts Department of Social Service. She went on to work with Cambridge Family and Children's Services and is currently an adoption consultant to the Adoption Resources Program at Jewish Family and Children's Service. Ms. Bufferd earned her MSW at Boston University School of Social Work and did post-graduate work in family therapy at the Institute at Newton.
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